Is There a Narcissist in Your Life?

OAKLAND, Calif., May 8 /PRNewswire/ -- Often they are the most charming person in the room, radiating brightness and confidence. It is easy to see how narcissists (those exhibiting traits of narcissistic personality disorder) make their way into our lives. We marry them, we accept jobs from them, and we invite them to our parties. But what happens when the flip side of their personality comes out? When what you once thought was confidence you now recognize as arrogance, and it is no longer their charm that takes your breath away, but their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy. When the illusion has been shattered and you recognize the narcissist in your life for who they are, what do you do next?

According to Wendy T. Behary, author of Disarming The Narcissist, communicating with a self-absorbed person is tricky and frustrating, and sometimes intimidating. The trick, says Behary, "is compassionate, empathetic confrontation. Understanding the narcissist will help you slip past their defenses and communicate with them more effectively."

Different types of narcissism require different communication styles, Behary explains. Here a few tips that she offers:

Tip #1: The Show Off

When dealing with the show-off, recognize that you are in the company of someone who hungers for the adoration and envy of others... they appear to have little interest in you, apart from the praise and admiration you offer. Ignore their obvious solicitations and instead offer simple, positive feedback.

Tip #2: The Entitled One

When dealing with the entitled one, recognize that you are dealing with someone who feels they can make up their own set of rules, and that they should be able to have whatever they want when they want it... take a breath, steady your nerves, and proceed to let them know the real deal.

Tip #3: The Bully

When dealing with the bully, recognize that you are now in the company of someone who has a rigid mistrust of people and their motives. He is fearful that others will try to control him, make a fool of him, or take advantage of him... look him in the eye and carefully proceed to let him know how his words and actions make you feel.

The Results of Narcissistic Parenting

In addition to being difficult people to deal with in relationship or work situations, narcissistic parents can leave a troubling mark on their children. Dr. Nina Brown, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed, states that when one or more parents are self-absorbed the effects can stay with their children long into adulthood. "If your parent was unable or unwilling to provide sufficient empathy because of his self-absorption, then you did not receive

the empathy you needed to allow you to feel worthy, cherished, and loved." Brown adds that children of narcissists may struggle with major self-esteem issues.

So How Do You Spot a Narcissist?

"They seem well-assembled and self-assured, sometimes with a saccharine wit," says Behary, cautioning that they can also "quickly pull the rug out from under you, reducing you to boredom, tears, apprehension, or disgust without a flinch." Here are just a few of the traits that narcissists typically display:

    --  Self-absorbed
    --  Entitled
    --  Demeaning
    --  Demanding
    --  Distrustful
    --  Perfectionistic
    --  Snobbish
    --  Unempathic
    --  Unremorseful
    --  Emotionally detached