Family Routines Help Children Build Skills for Navigating Stress

BOULDER, Colo., March 5 /PRNewswire/ -- Confronted by family arguments, peer pressure, witnessed violence and other stressful events, some children rebound with ease. Others collapse or "act out" -- unhealthy responses that can become debilitating lifelong patterns.

"The difference is inner resiliency, the 'emotionally intelligent' ability to quiet the mind, calm the body, and identify and manage emotions," says Linda Lantieri, author of Building Emotional Intelligence: Techniques to Cultivate Inner Strength in Children (available from booksellers April 1). "Parents may be surprised to learn that this skill, so essential for navigating life's challenges, is easy to teach to their children."

Begin by introducing family routines that introduce quiet and stillness, Lantieri recommends. This will help create a natural venue for changing habitual responses to stress. Try these exercises:

    -- Create a Peace Corner in your home, a special place where family
       members can go whenever they need calm and stillness in order to regain
       their inner balance. It could also be used when anyone is feeling
       overwhelmed, stressed, angry, or otherwise out of control emotionally
       -- times when being alone would be helpful.
    -- Give your child a "time-in." Rather than a time-out, give her time to
       calm down in the Peace Corner. Make the space inviting by including a
       picture of her favorite peaceful place, elements from nature, journals,
       chimes, or mandala coloring books. Be sure the space is large enough
       for your child to lie down in, with comfortable pillows and a CD player
       with soothing music.
    -- Breath out stress. Before bed is a great time to practice breathing
       exercises to let go of the day's stresses. Lying close to your child,
       you can synchronize your breathing to hers and quietly name together
       whatever tensions from the day you are letting go.
    -- Practice bedtime belly breathing.  Ask your child to place a soft toy
       on his belly and breathe in deeply to a count of four to make the toy
       rise. As he breathes out to a count of four, have him direct all his
       air towards the light switch to "blow out the lights" for the day
       before you leave the room. Turn off the light when he has exhaled all
       the air.
    -- Have a "paying attention" adventure. Go on a mindfulness walk in nature
       with your child. Walk in silence, simply noticing the smells, sounds,
       and sights you pass. For a first time on this sort of walk in nature,
       it's helpful to focus your child's attention to the present moment by
       both of you deciding on one thing you may particularly look for.